We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
