Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
