the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
