i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
