Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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