Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dicks are not precious.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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