its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
