happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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