I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
