Are we in a gay sports bar?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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