my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
