She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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