forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
