Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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