she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You work out of a Hotel?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
