I'm going to jail i love you
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
