My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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