Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We are two peas in an std pod
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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