Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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