I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
