R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
