Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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