My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
