And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
