dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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