Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
