Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
