if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
