you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
