glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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