What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
