Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
