It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
