Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize