I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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