i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
