It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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