How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
