Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
