you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
