I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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