And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
