I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
