The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
