I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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