Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
