saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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