Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this boner is exhausting
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
