just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
