I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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