I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
