He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
