Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
